I haven’t written for a while because BOTH Jim and I were in the hospital . . . AT THE SAME TIME! Fortunately we were in the same hospital, though not in the same room. The upshot is that Jim is recovering nicely from pneumonia and I was given a clean bill of health after a number of tests. All good news. This has been quite the flu season.

Because of this experience, I want to write today about how to get your life back when caregiving has defined it for a period of time. Jim had a liver transplant in 1993, which kept him alive and thriving, but also, after a time, resulted in drug-related medical conditions which have become chronic. He and I both have learned how to deal with the ups and down caused by this situation and still go on with our lives. You can find more details about this journey when our book, In Sickness and In Health, comes out this spring.

So this month I was reminded once again of how important it is to be able to keep your own life going even if you have other obligations such as taking care of a spouse, a parent, or child, working, or otherwise giving of your time and energy to others. I realized today as I drove to my appointment with my personal trainer that I was OK and that I had a life in addition to being a caretaker. That was because I was doing something enjoyable on my own for my health and well-being.

I first was aware of how important it is to realize one’s own individuality after my mother died. We were very close during all of my life, and I identified with her in many ways. After her passing at the age of 85, I began to feel older than my years, and began worrying that I would soon die. It was at my first personal training session with Andie, several months after my mom’s passing, that I realized I was not my mother, that she had died but I had not, and that the odds were that I had many years of my own life left to live.

The lesson is that it is important to take care of ourselves not just mentally and emotionally but also physically. We are holistic beings, and we need to tend to all the parts of us that make us whole. It helps to recover from an illness or crisis by getting back into things that we do as individuals and remembering that our value comes not just from what we do for others, but from who we are.