I hope 2009 was a fulfilling year for you. When I think over what’s made it fulfilling for me, I find myself thinking about my values. Fulfillment and values go together. Fulfillment is one of the three major principles in the Co-Active Coaching Model. (The other two are Balance and Process. See Whitworth, et al., Co-Active Coaching, 2d Ed.) Living according to our own values is at the center of a life of fulfillment. Helping clients identify their values and then pointing out when values are honored is one of the primary ways as a Co-Active Coach I support my clients to lead a life of fulfillment.

We can identify our values by looking at experiences we enjoyed and asking what values we honored. Giving a reading of my new book that most of my friends attended at my favorite book store in Albuquerque was one of the most fulfilling events of the year for me. The values I expressed through having the book signing were self-expression, communication, family, friendship, fun, and supporting local businesses.

We can also identify our values by looking at experiences that we didn’t enjoy and asking what values were not being honored or were being stepped on. I will never forget representing a small company against my better judgment many years ago. The values I stepped on in taking that work were integrity, using my intuition, not taking work I don’t like just for the money. The yucky feeling I had was the lack of resonance that came from ignoring my values. The best I can say is that I learned from that experience and finally ended the engagement.

 What is the impact of your values on your life? Knowing your values can help you make decisions. For example, answering the question, how many hours do I want to work, is much easier and more satisfying when it is done in the context of values. Is one of your values work? If you like to work, working long hours will feel different than if you hate your job. Or if your primary value is spending time with family and friends, you’ll probably be happier working less than more. Ranking your values will help you identify your priorities.  

 Your personal values and the choices you make can be thought of as a feedback loop. For example, thinking about where I’d like to be in five years also helps me think about my values, and knowing my values helps me answer the question of where I’d like to be. I’m currently enjoying Phillip Moffit’s book, Dancing with Life.  He says, “In my experience, what makes life worthwhile is living from your deepest or core values.” Being aware of your values helps you make fulfilling choices and avoid betraying yourself.

One way to get in touch with your values is to picture yourself in your favorite place. What’s it like? Who’s there? How do you feel? Describe your surroundings. Another visualization is to see yourself creating a new World According To You. When I do that, I think about how children are well-cared for and respected, natural resources are used sustainably, people are free to be creative, people’s unique gifts are fostered.

 Keeping a list of your values to refer to and add to over time will help you make more fulfilling choices.

Stress and attorney are two words that seem to go together naturally – so much so that it seems impossible to separate the two. But it can be done, and it’s useful to make a distinction between what it means to be an attorney and what causes stress in our lives. This article looks at a few stressors and what you can do about them.

 A few features I’ve identified that lead to stress (in no particular order) are

• Feeling that you have to put on a mask when you walk into your office – that you can’t be yourself;
• Dealing with problems that often take years to be resolved;
• Feeling as if you either are going to win or lose at any given time;
• Deadlines ( I love the name)
• Having to get clients;
• Working with people in the worst circumstances of life;
• Having severe consequences for your client if you lose the case;
• Working such long hours there isn’t time for a personal life.

 The first step is to be aware of the stressors that bother you. What do you like about practicing law? What don’t you like? Then, once you’ve identified what bothers you, two coaching concepts can help you reduce the stress. These two tools that clients have found to be useful are identifying your saboteur and changing perspectives.

The Saboteur

Something that is a stressor for one person can be exhilarating for another. One thing that causes stress in a variety of situations is the self-talk I like to call The Saboteur. The Saboteur is that gremlin that sits on your shoulder and whispers in your ear why you are not going to succeed. It can be the voice of a family member, a grade school teacher, or your alter ego. It says things such as, “who do you think you are?”, “you know you’re no good at _____”, “be careful!!!!!”. The ability to hear that voice when it’s tormenting you and separate it from reality (because it’s not reality) is useful. It helps to personify this voice, picture what the nasty thing looks like, and then send it away. With the saboteur gone, it is easier to distinguish an adverse ruling from being a judgment about what kind of lawyer you are.

Changing Perspectives

We all have points of view about everything. Why something can’t be changed, why that person is the way she is, what makes a good lawyer, what that judge is like, what my kind of law demands from me . . . . These are all perspectives. Every point of view is a perspective we have chosen, and chosen to believe. Once we realize that we have chosen our perspectives, and can choose other perspectives, we have found a powerful tool for being in charge of our thoughts and our choices. When I feel stuck in a particular place, I know it’s time to look at my perspective. If it seems that the situation is “just the way it is,” I make myself think of a different perspective. Instead of thinking that my co-worker doesn’t trust me and is trying to micro-manage my work, I can see that person as caring deeply for the end product.

These are just two tools you can use in reducing the stress in your work life. There are many other stressors and many other tools to deal with them. Most lawyers have learned a number of coping techniques and ways to deal with stress. It’s important to start with ourselves and what we CAN do to reduce stress. Often it’s just what we’re thinking.

 What does your saboteur say that stresses you out? How can you change your perspective about a co-worker, opposing counsel, or work situation that will make it less stressful for you? Answering these questions can reduce stress in your life.